Humbled By Love
I’ve been humbled by love so many ways and times in the past few years that I’m beginning to believe that it’s only and all about love.
I ask myself what else could matter, really?
I’ve discovered, the hard way, that love is essentially the ability to be present with your Self, or the Other, or the object of our attention, exactly as we/they are.
To love perfection in all things.
To be seen and witnessed (and accepted) as Self, knowing that the flavors and foibles and flaws of our existence are only opportunities for deepening our awareness of Self (me, you, us.)
“Twoo Wuv,” as glorified in the movie Princess Bride (among my favorite movies.)
And the more I allow myself, or you, to show up as my/your Self, loving ALL the Parts no matter how defective they initially seem, I am truly blown open by how good it feels to acknowledge Parts that had been repressed and explore how they can now contribute going forward.
As I keep being humbled, over and over again, what’s left of my ego can now more easily let go of any defense.
I literally get excited to see what new Part I can welcome into the family!
And it seems what’s left — the space between the personality, the constraints, the trauma- is quite literally the sacred Part.
The Part that is and has always been loved, loveable and loving.
When I love and allow all of my Parts, I gain compassion for and nurture them so that they become reintegrated and essential aspects of who I truly am.
And then the world around me becomes more beautiful, more sacred, and humbles me even more.
It now takes me twice as long to hike a trail these days, as I’m stunned to witness the perfection in the gnarly tree bark and hear the unique trill of each birdsong.
What Needs to Be Loved
You may get glimpses periodically of Parts of you that remain hidden.
Like a small child hidden behind her parent’s legs at a playdate with a new friend. Until she becomes comfortable and feels welcome, it’s peek-a-boo with strangers.
Your Parts are the same. They remain hidden until they know they’re welcome to emerge. They can anticipate rejection or allowing, judgment or love.
And eventually, they may show up in a dream. Or in a tense conversation with your Partner as you’re expressing yourself more fully. Or as fear that prevents you from asking for what you really need.
I had a lucid dream a few nights ago that felt like a concentration camp scene. I witnessed someone shoot and kill everyone who stepped over an imaginary line (even an inch.) I was horrified and didn’t want to stop the dream until I understood why it was happening. I spoke to the shooter to discern his motives, and he just kept repeating that the people had crossed a boundary.
The next morning, in analyzing the dream, I uncovered a Part I’ll call “The Annihilator,” whom I’d never met before, and who represents a belief that “I must avoid those who ‘hurt’ me.”
“Don’t cross my boundaries, or…” he seemed to say, without flinching.
And, most insidiously, the Annihilator will attack the Parts of me that are not perfect or aligned.
Another vicious cycle of critical judgment, repression and separation from Self.
As I explored the various sub-beliefs and created alternate belief systems to replace them, the energy began to dissipate and I could feel the transmutation of the critical energy to a curiosity and witness presence.
I worked with the Annihilator to explain his role (in my childhood) and make explicit the skills he brought. We negotiated how he could serve me now, as an adult, to create even more distinct discernment.
Nothing short of miracles for the last few days, as he (the former Annihilator, now a Partner) guides me in decisions that easily create more awareness, self-acceptance and love.
And better outcomes. My joy and Self-compassion are off the charts.
The Shadow that Inhibits Our Ability to Love
As you can imagine, the presence of Parts of our Selves that remain hidden means we show up as partial, fractured, chaotic and confused selves.
Wanting to be in relationship with the Other, but not yet fully in relationship with our Self.
Until we can commit to being present with all of our own Parts and pieces, the chance of creating a fulfilling and truly loving relationship with an Other is haphazard at best.
Dirk (pseudonym) is a client who was pushed to grow-up early due to lack of safety and nurturing, often guiding his own father to fulfill his duties. The constant need to be in charge and prove himself disconnected him from his heart and any sense of true love.
By all external measures, Dirk has succeeded remarkably in the world, yet remained distant to himself and all but a few close friends.
Extensive work with his Parts and their coupled beliefs has created more acceptance and compassion for himself and his colleagues, and opened his heart for repair of close relationships.
And in the meantime, his business exploded due to the shift in his energy.
The only thing standing in the way of “twoo wuv” is our own lack of True Love. For our Self.
What Does Love Have to Do With Purpose?
As you can imagine, the only way you’ll recover your purpose, the essence of who you really are, is to be free of the constrictions and constraints of hidden or repressed Parts.
Only when you truly see and accept yourself, and all the Parts, can your life force within flow freely.
As your life force begins to flow freely, then you create internal alignment, internal coherence and direct your creative energies into the powerful expression of your essential Self into the world.
I’ll repeat that.
There is only a slim chance of bringing your True Self or greatest purposeful expression to the world without uncovering and liberating the shadow Parts.
And the essential task of love is to be fully present to your Self, allowing all of you to show up.
To release the fears of exposing the fractured Parts that would have you be less than you truly are.
How to Find True Love
Start with your Self.
You can’t find Love ‘out there’ if you can’t find it ‘in here.’
Seek out the unloved Parts, whether from childhood trauma or adult disappointment. Nourish and nurture them as a partner or parent figure. Discover the beliefs they represent, and the roots of their beliefs, and create alternate beliefs for them to create a new reality.
Only when you can Self-acknowledge and bring compassion to the Parts of your Self that have been marginalized, can you create Self Love, the precursor to loving Others.
Find Safe Spaces.
As you wend your way to loving Self, it’s helpful to find support in nurturing, friendly spaces that allow you to be your Self without judgment or rejection. The raw sensations of being newly vulnerable benefits from accepting Others who can witness your own work and encourage your journey back to Self Love.
Nurturing friend groups, open safe spiritual community or groups, coaches or therapists, healing communities, men’s or women’s circles or mentors are possible places to find Love for your Self if your own pattern is rejection or dismissal.
Become More of Your Self.
Becoming your Self takes practice.
No matter what Parts show up, in what form or role, they served a purpose at some point in your life and are an essential Part of you. Not to be rejected, but loved. Fully.
When you uncover the genius of each Part (they kept you safe and alive, right?) and how that role can be transmuted to support you now (talk about transferable skills!,) you’ll wonder why it took so long to find that long lost friend.
The Benefits of True Love
When we think of True Love, we tend to think of a sappy romantic comedy (aka Princess Bride), or the notion of a Soul Mate, an externalized orientation of sharing our heart’s affection and desire.
And while having that type of connection is most everyone’s secret yearning, the paradox is that it’s only possible when we are so fulfilled in our internal connection and intimacy that it’s no longer required.
When we orient to full love, acceptance, allowing and nurturing of our Selves (all the Parts of us,) we ironically become the Partner we were seeking.
Then, ultimately, we resonate with and call in all those who can witness and love us in the fullness of our Being.
It’s nothing short of magic when that happens.
A World Humbled by True Love
Imagine a world broken open with this kind of love.
What would be possible, if we loved our internal milieu (Parts and all) so much that the external world was a reflection of that?
It only happens with one person, one Part, at a time.
About the Author
I’m the Author of the bestseller, The Golden Thread: Where to Find Purpose in the Stages of Your Life. Download this free audio course to learn about your own Golden Thread of purpose.
I am a purpose activator and catalyst. I warn people they shouldn’t be near me unless they want to become a new version of themselves. That scares some people, delights others.
I’ve spent my life imagining a world where we could all become who we’re meant to be, awake and alive in a way that allows us to express our most innate, natural and purposeful gifts. I’m the creator and dreamer behind the Purpose Flywheel™.
Stay tuned or contact me to get started now.
Learn more at Emergence Institute.